'Indian Matchmaking' participant Aparna Shewakramani: Parents want strong role models for their daughters

Aparna Shewakramani is the author of 'She’s Unlikeable and Other Lies That Bring Women Down'.

Aparna Shewakramani, the lawyer from Houston, Texas, who appeared on the Netflix show Indian Matchmaking (2021) is now an author. Her book She’s Unlikeable and Other Lies That Bring Women Down (HarperCollins, 2022) tells the story of why she went on that show and how she felt when it depicted her as “the villain”. She also writes about growing up as a South Asian woman in the United States, travelling all over the world, discovering her talents and ambitions, and her continuing search for a partner. Excerpts from an interview:

'Indian Matchmaking' brought you into living rooms across the world but didn't give you the partner you were looking for. As a goal-oriented person, how do you feel about this? What are the new skills you've picked up to navigate the dating and marriage market?

Personally, while Indian Matchmaking didn’t conclude with me finding a partner, I believe that the larger and more enriching story for myself was of a woman who stood her ground, spoke her truth and refused to settle for matches that were not a suitable life partner for her. My goal remains to find a man who is my teammate and ultimate companion but it will always be on my terms. These are by no means “new skills” for me but ones that I am resolved to continue using as I forge ahead on my journey of seeking partnership.

I can’t speak too much to production protocols but there are contracts in place that I agreed to before taping. After re-reading them when the show came out, it was clear to me that editing as the production team saw fit was included in our terms and conditions.

I write about the importance of finding a matchmaker who aligns with your core values and beliefs. While the matches he/she brings to you are who you ultimately date, you also “date” your matchmaker and you should feel a sense of camaraderie and respect between the two of you. If that’s not there, the relationship will most certainly fail. I found that out first-hand.

I was most touched to hear from fathers after the show. They were mostly fathers of young girls and they said that they appreciated my confidence and self-assuredness. They shared that they hoped their daughters would grow up knowing how to stand up for themselves. For me, it was eye opening to see how parents viewed what their kids were consuming and what they would be consuming in the future. They wanted strong role models for their daughters.

The show really propelled me to reconsider the path that I was on – a corporate America job as a lawyer, living in Houston, Texas, and being in a city I had lived in for almost 30 years. I realized that I wanted to choose a career that was more fulfilling for me, so when I started writing my book, I took a sabbatical from my job as an attorney. I realized I could live anywhere in the US, since I was no longer tied to a job. So, I followed a lifelong dream of mine to move to New York City. Both the career change and the city change have been really wonderful experiences for me, and I feel that I am truly living my life on my own terms.

I started a travel company called My Golden Balloon (MGB) in 2019. MGB curates luxury tours for small groups of travellers, and these tours are led by me or a business partner. The client would just choose one of our worldwide tour dates, book their round-trip ticket and pack their bags. MGB takes care of the rest, from five-star hotels to private transport to unique experiences within the country. The company was unfortunately badly hit by Covid-19, and is currently suspended. We are looking to restart tours this Fall or Winter. We are hopeful we can continue on our mission of making travel accessible, easy and fun for professionals.

Some of my favourite women entrepreneurs are my friends! I am lucky enough to know women who are leading the way in beauty, wellness and media – from Aditi Shah of Peloton to Rooshy Roy of Aavrani to Snigdha Sur of The Juggernaut. I admire these women so much for their vision and their execution. They are true powerhouses.

I’ll speak of the strong women in my family lineage – from my great grandmother to my grandmother and then to my mother. Their ability to adapt to new lives across the world from their home, their fortitude in overcoming loss, and their belief in a better tomorrow is something I carry deep in my own heart. I am proud of these women and wish for other women to reflect on their own familial role models when they experience difficult times.